Held captive.

She inhaled, deeply. Once again. The pain laying on her shoulders loosened. With the light-bearer by her side, every thought was lighter, every feeling more bearable, every nightmare survivable. Still, there were moments, glimpses of her past, memories, which held her captive inside the labyrinth of her deepest fears.

It seems like we are always drawn back, we are always held captive by our past mistakes. By our foregone attempts to live, genuinely, she thought herself.

On some days, fights were easy to win. But on other days, she was so annoyed by the amount of damage that was still present in her life that the fights were burning up her whole energy.

But it’s always a victory. Unless you stop fighting, she nodded and gave a shining smile to the light-bearer, who sat quietly next to her and carefully observed every single thought mirrored on her face.

Back then

Back then
when life seemed to be easy,
I dreamt about you,
not even knowing
if you are at least possible.

Back then
when days were filled with the sweet unknowing,
I used to feel your soul
touching mine
during these sleepless nights,
when world behind those fences
seemed so much brighter
than the one of mine.

Back then
when everything felt settled,
you used to wonder about world
that blossoms beneath the surface
and welcomes you
with the warmest warmth.
With the kindness.
With that never relenting,
timeless love.

Back then
when our lives weren’t intertwined,
I didn’t wish for anything else
then to find you.
Then to know
that someone like you exists…
And today – I know.
And life seems almost unbearable.
The knowing you are there,
so close and so distant at the same time.
Within my arm’s reach and yet
so unattainable…

If I sit outside the glass house
and I lift my gaze up to see the stars,
I must wonder –
are you sitting over there, there,
on your side of the universe,
and gazing back towards me?

I know the answer, Little Prince.
And I miss you.
Dearly.

Free.

“I just want to be free,” she whispered, “free of the pain.” And she closed her eyes and opened her palm. The moth sitting on her skin stretched its wings and took off – quietly, gently, just shimmering in the air until it got lost in the darkening night sky. 

She breathed in. The air was light, cold, watery. With the air in her lungs, her whole faith expanded.