When you sleep, my light-bearer

The pen is slowly gliding along the paper and there is so much I would like to tell you. The pen is slightly scratching the thick paper of my notebook, fire in the fireplace is mildly fading away and there is a candle, flickering on my table. She is like you, her light is chasing away demons and bad dreams, creating a world of our own, world in which there is only you and me and nothing else matters. I can hear your repeating breath after breath and my heart rejoice with every beat of the one of yours.

When I was a little wicked girl, my mom already used to tell me: “Be careful what you wish for. Your wishes can always come true.” If I knew how powerful these wishes can be, I would have wish for you a long long time ago.

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It’s a full moon today. The Moon is discreetly glancing in through our open window. As if he was checking whether everything is, after ages, still in a way it should be. He greets the light of a candle, he greets the light of yours, and continues his journey through out the night sky. The house breaths out heavily, the fireplace is slowly cooling down with sinister noises and our cat lazily stretches her body. Our whole world is sleeping, although it is celebrating continuously for months.

Maybe that wishes made during the summer storms, wishes with deepest appeals and inner need in mind have their own unmistakable strength. Maybe magic exists after all and we are the living prove of its existence. How else could you explain we met in such a convenient times? How else could you possibly explain our untangled confusion of troubles of which there is only a bittersweet memory left now?

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Water drops started to dance on the dormer-window pane. Neither one of us remember a year as rainy as this one. The whole world is upside down but the nature is trying to lull us to peace with her beautiful illusion of going back to her ancient and perfect rhythm. I love to let her, after all it was always her who comforted me, made me go in awe and made me happy. You have joined her last year. And now, not only my happiness feeds yours but this beautiful illusion gives me the feeling that it feeds her as well. Her, the one we could never survive without. Our connections to the whole universe seems almost tangible.

Maybe that wishes whispered in a summer storm to the rain drops only led to the plans, plans led to action and action led to you. Whatever it is, that made my wish come true, whether it was magic, universe, faith or maybe just the two of us, knowing we belong together, it was the happiest event of my life.

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After I will blow out the candle and close the door to our bedroom, I will cuddle up to you and think about how lucky we both are. I will listen to your symmetrical breath and finally be a slightly mad that I cannot fall asleep as fast and perfect as you can.

At the end, I will finally fall asleep as well. With the knowing that only next to you I can heal all of my deep wounds. Only next to you, I don’t have to change to be whoever my surroundings just need. You need ME, exactly the way I am. You accept me with all my whims, imperfections and gifts and you are not trying to curve me or break me into someone or something else.

You are the greatest gift of the universe without even knowing it.

You are my shelter and home, freedom and support, you are everything I ever wished for.

Only with you, I can dance with the wolfes and don’t have to feel guilty about it.

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