24th February 2019 – This February was very enriching, surprising and empowering in so many ways that I cannot still properly comprehend. It all started with the most emotionally tensed 1st February I’ve had in a very long time. It was all about passing one of the hellish exams we have on my master program in the morning, having an argument with my younger brother during a lunch and accidently meeting someone I thought I forgot about a long time ago in the evening. I have to say, meetings like this one make you wonder about your past. You might find yourself thinking about the decisions you made in your life, reckoning.
When I got home after that exhausting day, with a slight hangover, I started to search for my diaries from that time of my past so I could bring some of my memories back in order to revise them. Because it is all almost forgotten history to me (everything happened almost ten years ago and all of it resemble more a dream than an actual history) I needed to dig deep to find my rather modest diary excerpts in my many personal notebooks. As I found it, I realized with horror that I hadn’t written much about my experiences from those days. I also went through some stories and unfinished novels from that time, but I haven’t found a lot. I felt a little disappointed, but I let it go, eventually.
But today, as I was listening to some random playlist on Spotify, one of the tracks struck me with a memory and reminded me what music I had listened to back then so intensely that it had become a part of my memories of that time. I rushed to listen to it as a whole and I couldn’t be more astonished! As I was listening to these songs, many memories were brought back to a daylight. So many pictures I thought I have forgotten already, so many contradictory feelings, so much joy and sorrow at the same time!
I know it can be viewed by many rather as a tool of torture because we sometimes want to forget about certain things that happened in our lives. That is totally understandable and even I have to confess there are some songs that I prefer to avoid because memories which are brought back to life by them are still too heavy to carry. But in moments like these, when you want to remember something in order to gain some clarity over a problem you are solving right now, or in case you want to remember how extraordinary and happy you felt once in the past, this kind of memory is just remarkable. And it always hits me and surprises me when I realize how powerful these memories can be!
So today, I want to express my endless gratitude for being able to remember such intensive feelings through beautiful music and songs. I am also very grateful for living in the time when all we want to listen to is just within arms reach. I simply cannot imagine how dull, lifeless and sad my life would have been without the possibility to plug my headphones in and surrender to sounds only I decide to listen to.
Have a wonderful Sunday, my friends!
Wicked And Clever