Free.

“I just want to be free,” she whispered, “free of the pain.” And she closed her eyes and opened her palm. The moth sitting on her skin stretched its wings and took off – quietly, gently, just shimmering in the air until it got lost in the darkening night sky. 

She breathed in. The air was light, cold, watery. With the air in her lungs, her whole faith expanded.  

The Positive Diary #12 – Home

17th November 2018 – I have already mentioned my home several times here. No matter if it was a sanctuary where my re-charging party with my friends took a place or a peaceful house with the warm bed and two crazy chihuahuas in it, the connection between me and my old ugly residence is rather sacred to me. It might be very incomprehensible for someone who doesn’t know me: It is an old cold rural house probably from 1920s, which my dad tried to partially reconstruct in 1990s, so we would be able to live here.

 

The reconstruction was made only halfway through and my dad never made it to live here with us because my mum applied for a divorce. Few years after that our mum passed away and since that time, the house is partly mine and partly my brother’s. Because we are young, and we don’t have any money to spare, the house is somehow slowly falling into disrepair – in a way, it is still fully livable and habitable. It is just not the nicest house you have ever seen; it doesn’t have a new shiny facade nor the newest glittery Ikea furniture. For me though, it is the only place on Earth which has ever felt like home to me.

 

The connection with this house, with this land, is multidimensional to me. It will always be the house when my mum lived in her final days, the place where she felt happy after the divorce, with the kitchen where we felt like Gilmore girls and with the garden, she sporadically took care of and which made her an eternal witch in my eyes.

 

In my mind, it is also a place where many of my ancestors lived their lovely and peaceful lives and where my grandma and grandpa did a great deal of work. When I am here on my own during the night and I hear some noise, I always try to calm myself with a memory of my family members that passed away and with what my mum used to tell me, so I wouldn’t be scared: “If this place is haunted, remember – it is haunted by only good souls.” It might sound silly, but this calms me down every time.

 

It is a place where I can just be myself, I can think and talk freely without being judged or manipulated. This part might seem obvious, but it is a jackpot to me! As an empathic person, always analyzing and thinking about literally everything that happens during the day, I truly enjoy the moments which I can spend on my own in my silent – and sometimes not-so-silent – house. It doesn’t matter to me whether the interiors of the house look super-pretty or not as long as I feel super-relaxed and super-safe within its walls.

 

Let me express here today how grateful I am for having such a peaceful home and – what is even more important – for having such a strong connection with it. Having a sacred sanctuary, where you can curl up and forget about the rest of the world during the bad days and party as the devil during the good days, is just invaluable. Even though some toxic people in my life seem to not get it at all. Well, f.ck them! ❤ 🙂

 

Wicked And Clever

 

Šárka

Learning Tip #2: Gratitude as the Essential Key to Success

As you already know, I am putting a big emphasis on building gratitude through my Positive Diary series here on my precious blog. I feel like once you will master the ability of gratitude it can expand into every branch of your life and bring you the most unexpected joy and happiness. Therefore, I decided that this surprisingly free of charge, but invaluable ability should be covered as one of my learning tips for being more successful in what you want to learn.

 

My new YouTube video aims exactly in this direction. I shot it during the last week and since then, many things in my life has changed. But I still believe in what I say in the video and I sincerely hope I will believe it until the rest of my life.

 

Why, you might wonder. Well, I have to admit that while practicing gratitude on everyday basis through my positive diary, working hard on my projects and attending my favorite classes at school, I was the happiest I have ever been. Of course, some days are harder that others and it is so easy to forget about one’s goals and gratitude in a face of a life’s strugglebut what is important is that you always need to find a way back and a will to fight back. And again, remembering your practiced gratitude can help a lot with this comeback as well.

 

I hope you will enjoy my tiny video which captures one beautiful day in Prague and one important message. And let me know how do you power your dreams; how do you manage to complete your goals.

Happy Sunday, my friends!

 

The Positive Diary #8 – Ability to cherish our memories

12th October 2018 – We all know these days when we have to do something, some visits or some work we aren’t entirely into. I was wondering today, how I will manage to survive my today’s obstacle, and I was thinking about gratitude from the moment I opened my eyes this morning. I was home alone, with my dogs only, so I had time and space to think it through. At first, I thought I will be grateful for things I have already discovered and wrote about, but then I remembered something from my past and started to laugh loudly and from the heart.

 

My today’s task is not going to be as dramatic as it might sound– we have planned a visit at my mother’s-in-law. The weird thing is, these people are always very nice to me – or I can at least say, they try to – but during the nights there I have these most awful episodes of sadness, inescapability, and I just feel trapped in a life I don’t necessarily want to live. It is a horrifying state of mind. Therefore, no one can possibly wonder why I am so worried when we are almost on the way there.

 

But, and I need to stress this, I am living a new life now. And I don’t want to ruin it. Therefore, I hope I will be able to live it through with a gratitude I am trying to cultivate here through my positive diary notes. Today, I want to write about our ability to cast almost forgotten memories back at the moments we tend to lose our hope.

 

My happy memory, the one that made me laugh this morning, isn’t that old. It came from this June when me, my classmates and teachers spend five incredible days in Jeseniky Mountains. The memory involves a story about me and one of my best friends being drunk, but the funniest part – in retrospective, it definitely didn’t seem funny back then – was when we were climbing a mountain the day after, in the most sunny and warm weather and with the second greatest hangover I have ever had. The jokes and quotes about how we are going to die very soon was comical. And except that we felt very sick, it was a perfect day.

 

I love to think about my memories like if they were ordered as books in a book shelves in my private room where I am the only one person able to entre. And when I feel sad, broken or lonely, when I am trying to remember something, I can go through them page by page and search and live it again and feel these emotions again. I believe that we can learn to focus more on the books which contains happy beautiful memories and we can cherish them in these moments when we feel down.

 

I know it is better to live our lives in the present moment, but sometimes we have no other choice than to live something inconvenient through. And in these moments, it is better to grasp any helping hand we can than not to do it.Our heads can be mighty allies while fighting. So, let’s be thankful for this ability to resist bad thoughts by remembering the good ones from the past – or maybe by daydreaming the ones that are yet to come.

 

I wish you the most joyful, colorful and memorable weekend!

 

With love

 

Wicked And Clever

 

Šárka

The Positive Diary #7 – Stealing some time just for ourselves

8th October 2018 – Tell me, my friend, how was your weekend? Mine was, after what felt like ages, very peaceful and I was able to dedicate some time to myself only. And it felt great!

 

I found some time to practice yoga on both evenings. I managed to write articles and fiction, too. I edited another video which was my goal I set for the last two weeks. I also found some time to clean a bit, but not to get crazy about it or super tired. I took time to enjoy the silence and peacefulness of being at home on my own. I posted on Instagram but didn’t spend entire day scrolling down. I managed to stay calm when my husband tried to make me angry. I cooked delicious meals for myself and ate them with love. And most importantly – I have enjoyed every minute of it!

 

Today, I would like to appreciate these moments we steal for ourselves because these are the basic steps towards happiness and gratitude. I feel like we always crave for the love of others but sometimes we forget to give love and care to ourselves to begin with. It took me some time to learn it and then again it took me some time to actually live by this rule but now I am not surprised I wasn’t feeling happy and whole back then.

 

We are sometimes taught as we grow up that the self-love and self-care is a selfish thing. I say f.ck it! There should always be balance in everything we do, otherwise the nice things stop to make us happy. Therefore, we should always remember, while giving so much love and care to others, we shouldn’t forget about ourselves either.

 

Be grateful with me today, for being able to steal some time for ourselves and for doing so with a deep love and understanding.

No regrets allowed here. 🙂

 

Have a wonderful evening, my friend, no matter what you are up to!

 

With love,

Wicked And Clever

Šárka